No crap! I think WAY too much about what people may think of me. Especially when they tell you they’ve realized they have the wrong idea about you. I realize now it WAS A MISTAKE to have posted what I did on Facebook. Might i add that i dont normally post atuff lile that, but the one time i do, i get heck from people. Was just so appalled at what I saw in the video I didn’t realize what page I was posting from. Apparently it was a hate filled propaganda anti-American military page. I’m usually so careful about what I post. AND not to mention whoever posted it had the foulest mouth ever. That didn’t help at all. =\
Why is the future so hard to talk to you about?And can I add that T.O.M. doesn’t help anything right now, lol. Everything seems 10x as important as it ISN’T. This sucks. I also tend to over think a lot more at this time. Gaaah!
I hate that I’m finding that I never knew who you were. I hate that you stopped talking to me out of nowhere. I mean, really?? What the heck, man? I hate how I fell for you and you knew it, and played me like nothing. You were my first love, never to forget. I cannot believe how much respect I had for you and how highly I thought of you. Would do anything for you, wanted to get to know you, and it seems like it didn’t phase you. I felt at home when I was with you. I can see we’re two completely different people now in two totally different places, literally. It kind of saddens me you dont keep in contact with me. It was so sudden and out of nowhere. I needed a friend, at the time, but you were already gone, too, come to find out. The Lord is still working on those scars you left in my heart. Those broken promises you made and every single word you’ve ever spoken to me. Down to the sound of your voice. Lord knows I hope to never see you again. Just the sight of you will rip the wound open again.
I read the word last night, on my own, for the first time in a while. Forgetting the intimate, living, supernatural power it holds. I had no nightmares last night. Had the longest, most peaceful sleep (for my day off, lol!) I’ve had in forever and woke up singing In The Light by DC Talk. I feel a sense of guilt that I’ve been starving myself of God and vice versa. Even though He has still be alive in my life despite this. I know He wants so much more for me. I’m at a point where I want to thrive in Him. Be on point with and hear Him clearly when He speaks.
I hate everything at the moment. I’m so tired and can’t sleep. I hate the thoughts that are going on in my head. I want to paint but I’m feeling lazy and feel that I can’t at the same time. I hate feeling discouraged. I want to be noticed more. Do I need more attention?? I’ve never felt that way before. Work is rough right now. Only got 24.5 hours last week. This check is gonna suck. Can’t really afford that, lol. Feel SO convicted that I’m not as close to God as I was before. Even though i was closer, I still wanted to that much more closer. I’ve grown weak in my spirit. I feel like I’m taking things for granted. Not like me. I’m at square one again. Only have myself to blame. I HATE me sometimes. I hate how I react to things, think about things and want things. I freaking annoy myself! How can people stand or deal with me? Lol. I wanna feel more appreciated. I actually want so much more than what I have and to be somewhere else than where I’m at. Is that bad?? I’ve noticed that I’m starting to look for more attention elsewhere, too. Again, what do I do. If I’m doing that subconsciously, I must want something more.
#theresgottabesomethingmore #somethingmore #switchfoot #jesus #god #music #heals #all #wounds
I don’t know why i say anything anymore.
I could say so much on the subject, but I end with this:
I hunger for more of You, Lord! Don’t leave me, I need You.